How many positive moments does it take to balance each negative moment?

A set of scales with "Criticising" on one side and "Hugs, Sharing, Chatting, Laughing, Showing interest" on the other side.

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Even the happiest couples have negative moments. We snap and criticise. We shout and blame.

What would it take to balance these out? Relationship experts tell us that for every one negative moment, you need five positive moments

So, for each time you have one negative moment with your partner:

  • Criticising
  • Trying to win
  • Blaming
  • Name-calling
  • Sneering
  • Sarcasm
  • Shouting
  • Being defensive
  • Talking over each other

You need to have five positive moments:

  • Laughing together
  • Supporting each other
  • Showing interest
  • Listening
  • Being grateful
  • Thoughtful gifts
  • Hugs
  • Sharing
  • Chatting


Now to start practicing with the magic ratio:


Think about your relationship.


What positive things could you do for each other?


What can you do to show that you care?

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