The downward spiral.
Some types of behaviour can increase the risk of relationship difficulties.
What poor communication looks like: |
How you can protect against it: |
|
|---|---|---|
| Criticism | Criticism isn’t the same as complaining. It’s a direct attack on your partner. “You only think about yourself.” | Try starting a sentence with “I...” and asking for what you need. “I was worried last night. I’d like it if you could text me when you’re going to be late.” |
| Contempt | Contempt is when we are deliberately mean. We might use name-calling, or sarcasm, or roll our eyes to show we’re not interested. | Try to focus on what you love about each other. Look for opportunities to pay each other compliments and do things together that you both enjoy. |
| Defensiveness | Defensiveness is usually a response to criticism. We deflect blame onto the other person. “I’ve been busy. Why couldn’t you do it?” | Try to see things from each other’s point of view. Take responsibility and say sorry when you’re in the wrong. |
| Stonewalling | Stonewalling is when we get so overwhelmed that we shut down completely, blanking our partner, or walking out of the room. | Try to be good to yourself. Take some time out to do something relaxing and enjoyable. |