When you know how arguments work, you can learn to keep them under control.

Illustrations of parts of the argument. The logs - What issues do you argue about most? The match - what usually starts an argument? The fuel - What makes it worse? Are you fuelling the fire? The water - what helps calm things down?

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  1) You can think of arguments like a fire.

The logs are the things you argue about most. Even when you’re getting on well, the logs are still there. Some common ones are:

  • Money
  • Friends
  • Housework
  • Sex
  • Children

This video explains the card in more detail

 2) The match can be anything that starts an argument. It’s often something small:

  • The wrong tone of voice
  • Feeling stressed
  • Not listening to each other

 3) Once the argument has started, we can make things worse by the way we respond. This can add fuel to the fire:

  • Snapping back
  • Walking out
  • Bottling things up
  • Saying hurtful things
  • Bringing up old arguments

 4) There are also things we can do to stop the argument getting worse. This is like putting water on the fire:

  • Taking a break
  • Listening
  • Saying sorry
  • Having a hug

Here’s a few things to try:

a) Can you think of what your logs are?

b) The next time you argue, see if you can tell when you’re pouring fuel.

c) Think about ways you could pour water, and try them out.

Visit new.brighton-hove.gov.uk/parent-relationships to find out what we’re doing in Brighton and Hove so all parents are #GettingOnBetter.