Are you ready? 

Only you can decide when the right time is for you to lose your virginity. Some people will want to wait until they get married, other people will want to have sex with a long-term partner, other people will wait until they are in love, and others still will have sex within a few hours of meeting someone. Again, only YOU can decide what the right time is for you and no one but you should make that decision.

Unfortunately, not everyone loses their virginity or has sex with a new partner for the right reasons. Some people feel pressured into it by their partner, or like they should have it because they believe everyone else is doing it. Some people do it because they are drunk or because they get caught up in the moment, and regret it when they are sober or have cooled down.

"We've been going out for six months. We've talked it over and we both think it's time."

Before you lose your virginity or have sex with a new partner, ask yourself the following questions to help you decide if you are ready. You can also talk to sexual health advisors at Morley Street CASH service to help you make that decision.  

• do you feel you could say no if you wanted to?
• can you have fun with the person you might have sex with, without doing anything sexual?
• have you made a special connection with someone?
• does it feel right to have sex?
• is your partner pressuring you to have sex?
• do you want to have sex for yourself, and not just to please the other person?
• do you want to have sex because your friends are all doing it?
• would you feel comfortable talking to your potential partner about condoms, contraception, pregnancy, and STIs?
• do you understand the risks involved with having sex?
• do you think you might regret it later?

TYou can also take a look at our 'Are you ready?' leaflet [PDF 171kb].

The answers to these questions should help you decide if you are ready, or if you might want to wait a while longer. Remember, even if you decide you are ready to have sex, you can always change your mind at any time!

You should remember that losing your virginity or having sex with a new partner is something you will only do once, and you will probably remember it your whole life.

So, don't just do it on the spur of the moment. Do it with someone you care about, with someone who cares about you, in a place that is comfortable and safe, after you have talked about it and are sure you both want to.

"Two of my friends had their first time on holiday. I'm going to Greece in the summer, and I won't say no if the right person comes along."

It’s just not true!

A lot of people think that everyone is having sex except for them. That’s just not true. The average age that people lose their virginity is 16, although many people wait until they are much older.

Find out what others have to say about their 'first time': http://sexperienceuk.channel4.com/videos/about/first-time

Pressure

Films, television, adverts, radio and music are full of references to sex. If you've never had it or aren't getting it, it can seem as though you're the only one who is missing out.  

Unfortunately, people who feel like they are missing out often put pressure on others to have sex with them. They  might come out with lines like these:

• 'Everybody else is doing it, why shouldn't we?'
• 'I think you're frigid. That's why you won't do it'
• 'If you loved me, you would do it'
• 'Let me do it, or I'll dump you for someone who will'
• 'If I get horny without having sex, my testicles will burst'
• 'Me and my last girlfriend did it, you obviously don't care enough'

Having sex because you feel pressured into it is a very bad idea, and you will almost certainly regret it. Anyone who tries to pressure you into having sex obviously doesn't care very much about your feelings, and that’s not a good basis for any type of relationship, but especially for a sexual relationship.

But if you do have sex and feel it was a mistake, learn from it, forgive yourself and move on. If it was sex you felt pressured into having, learn ways of avoiding future situations where the same thing may happen again.

If you feel that you have been forced to have sex, please click here. (where to?link to where?)

Planning ahead

Most of the time, sex doesn’t just happen. You often think about it beforehand, and usually know when it might be a possibility. We often pretend we don't know we are going to have sex or fool around, because we think planning ahead makes it unromantic or cold, or that carrying condoms around makes us look too eager.

Some things are fun if they happen on the spur of the moment, but most things are even better when you give them some thought beforehand. Before you have sex, you should think about contraception, condoms, and your own safety. There’s lots of information about all of those things on this website, so have a look through and make sure you are prepared when the moment strikes!

But we need to be honest with ourselves and plan ahead so that we can make sure that sex is safe, no matter when it happens! Things to consider are:

• Condoms
• Contraception
• Where you will do it
• How you will get home safely
• What you will do afterwards
• Setting boundaries
• How you will say no if you want to   

Please feel free to contact us at swish@brighton-hove.gov.uk with your questions or comments.